10 Secrets of Motherhood

#7. Yes, it's amazing that your body can produce life. So keep that in mind when you wake up in the recovery room to find your stomach (riddled with unforeseen stretch marks) lying next to you on the bed. Nobody tells you this fun little secret: your body will never be the same again. You can lose weight, yes. But you will probably always be a slightly more jiggly version of yourself. I'm not sure why but it's easiest to explain in terms of mattresses: Your extra firm Sealy posturepedic belly will (if you're lucky) devolve into an extra-soft Sealy posturepedic floor sample with visible signs of wear and tear. For those of us who start off with the extra-soft Sealy stomach, we end up sporting a used waterbed from the 1980s-- the kind that hangs out on Craigslist for months before someone agrees to pick it up for free.